Who is that Daunting Image that you see in your Mirror?

Looking into the mirror of life can be very scary.  It forces you to take a long and honest look at who you are as a person.  Looking in the mirror on the wall, however, is your alone time.  No one else is present, you can talk to the person in the mirror, and can be assured that your secret will be safe.  You can scream and cry, and still your secret is safe. You can tell the person in the mirror how insecure you are, and that you secretly wish you looked like your best friend.  What about “mirror-mirror” on the wall, who’s the biggest failure of them all? Most of us have had those moments when we tell ourselves that we have failed. When looking in the mirror, “be very careful“. While the mirror does reflect what it sees, it also exaggerates what it sees. It expands the image, making the flaws and defects so much more pronounced, apparent, glaring, and sometimes just downright scary.

mirror warning

Just like the physical mirror on the wall, “The Real Mirror of Life” is just as pressing, daunting, intimidating; Revealing the constant impression that your flaws, weaknesses, and deficiencies are a nail in your coffin, and that you are just not good enough.  Remember, everyone has deficiencies, which are simply reminders that we are a work in progress. Not a failure. The truth is the only real nail in our coffin is hating the image in the mirror, letting the image force you to look away, and not keeping the mirror clean so that you can really, really see the beautiful, capable, and talented person that you are. Remember everyone is different, and so are your gifts and talents.  So the next time that you look in the mirror on the wall try this… Mirror-Mirror on the wall, thanks for reminding me that my beautiful imperfections are just what I need to be human, to remain humble, kind, genuine and undeniably beautiful.  I am innovative, veracious and on point!  Thanks mirror for exaggerating what I see, “ME”

 

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5 Ways to Appreciate Your Life.

Appreciation – the recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something.

Demand that your mind, body, and soul prepare to embrace your live in the most relative state, the current.  Why? Because in order to press through life challenges, and actually change who you are, (growth) your body needs positive energy both mental and physical.  Remember negative experiences, failures, and disappointments are almost always pronounced and exaggerated, it’s just how the human mind works. Your mind can really throw you for a loop if you don’t manage your thoughts properly and engage positive thoughts of your true potential. Embrace today, forget about tomorrow, and don’t let FEAR paralyze you.  FEAR in itself is a Coward, reminding you of your mistakes, and literally playing them over and over in your brain.   Dispel fear, and take this new day to appreciate what you have achieved in your life, and not what you have failed at.

• Remember FEAR in its truest form is a Bully.  Recognize it for what is: False-Evidence-Appearing-Real; It can paralyze you, and is designed to do just that.
• Picture yourself doing something great, and begin to tell yourself that my life is really good, and I really do have a lot to be thankful for – Start your day with those thoughts.
• Inspire yourself – Be happy about small achievements, while planning the larger ones.
• Put failures in your rear-view mirror where they belong.
• Finally, remember never compare yourself to others, it’s unhealthy. Be your own person with your own dreams, think organically, it’s essential to your success.

 

“Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty.” – Unknown

 

Letting Go, Without Giving Up on Those You Love. (Powerful & Helpful Tips!)

Letting someone go, simply means that you relinquish your grip or hold, while setting them free to move and live as they insist. Giving up, on the other hand, means to abandon, make a mental or verbal declaration that the person or situation is incurable,  insolvent, or hopeless. Therefore, the two are definitely very different. So how do you put these matters into perspective? Let’s say that there is someone in your life who is simply not productive, basically they are not trying, won’t allow anyone to help them, or simply don’t believe that they have the fortitude to succeed.  Maybe they are even self-destructive. Does this situation warrant you hanging in there with them, or should you walk away? Officially giving up on someone you love is almost impossible to do.  Why? Because even when you physically put distance between you and that person, in most cases, they are still occupying your mind, heart, and emotions.  Therefore, in that case, you haven’t actually given up, but maybe you have let go, which may be preferably in some cases. There are a very few (and I mean a few) very egregious situations where people really do give up on loved ones because a very fine and sensitive line has been crossed (especially the dangerous lines). Those are very different from the common and problematic situations or relationships mentioned here.  Giving up is not easy, and it certainly should be the last line of defense with those you love and care about.  Letting people go, simply means that you step aside to allow that person to see who they really are, determine if they need and want your help, determine if they are capable of recovering without your help, and finally to determine if they want your assistance re-emerging themselves back to the productive citizen that they are capable of being. Letting go may also mean that your pain can be severe, but that pain is far less damaging than giving up altogether on someone who you really just want to let go for the purposes of helping them, and yourself.  When faced with giving up, or letting go, you should understand that the nuances of each relationship are different, with possible damaging effects that only you can determine is in your best interest. Because every situation is so different, only you can determine if giving up, or letting go is a decision that you can live with while understanding that your mental, physical, and emotional safety is paramount.

 

Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.
– George Edward Woodberry

Tips on dealing with a Headless Boss from Tarrytown.

Just like the story of the “Fictional Headless Horseman” from Tarrytown, the Headless Boss emerges from the grave, and never finds his head. He has been seen however holding what appears to be his head (or a pumpkin like figure in his hands at times). Of course in this story, the Headless Boss actually loses his head because it was cut off by the door jamb clearly because his head was far too big to fit through the door. Now we know that there are a few versions of the story of the Headless Horseman, but we will build our own version using the Headless Boss instead.   The Headless Boss is scary and purposes to evoke terror into all that oppose him (or her) while looking for his head. He can ultimately decide to take your head instead ( stealing your ideas and proposals etc.) passing it off as his own.   The Headless Boss also suppresses potential, instills fear, uses intimidation tactics, while simultaneously leaving remnants of resignations and complaints along the way. Apparently, Human Resources and upper management share the fear of the ghost of the Headless Boss as he (or she) have managed to remain gainfully employed without interruption.  Now there are difficult bosses, complicated bosses, unlikable bosses, but none measures up to the Headless Boss, who knows that they will somehow evade being reprimanded and therefore has no fear.  Since we spend more waking hours during the week at work than we do at home, it’s pretty important to work in a productive environment, that is conducive for growth.  Without that of course, your life can be miserable where work is concerned.  Now let’s take a look at a few pointers on how to deal with a difficult, unreasonable, and unproductive boss.

 

•Avoid unnecessary confrontations.  Agree with your adversary quickly when possible.
• As difficult as it may be, remain courteous, and take the time to say thank you.
• Arrive to work on time, and don’t take extended lunch or breaks, this only heightens the situation, with this very difficult personality.
• Learn what their triggers are, and try not to be menacing.
• Keep cell phone usage to a minimum, and perfect your work ethic, this is pertinent.
• Although your boss is not a mentor, write down your questions and concerns, and present them to him or her in person or of course email is even better.
• Endeavor not to take this behavior personally, this boss is likely this way with everyone.
• If your boss makes your life miserable, and the company appears to be enabling this behavior, run to the hills (but keep a look out, the Headless Boss is like a ghost and can be anywhere).
• Don’t quit your job before you have secured another one in writing.  Nothing is worse than being unemployed.
• This is your life, so take control, and don’t let a menacing boss be your excuse to duplicate their behavior. There are Headless Bosses in high places as well, and the truth is that most employees don’t leave companies they leave Headless Leaders.

6 ways to be nice to mean people.

 

  • Be cordial, with no expectation.
  • Don’t modify your behavior just because they are rude, be nice!
  • When greeting them, don’t expect a response.
  • Make it a point to offer to help when you can.
  • Don’t spend time worrying about their behavior, it’s toxic. Just be nice.
  • Don’t let them live rent free in your head.  Keep smiling.

Am I late to my life? (1 min read)

Feeling like life has passed you by?  Do you think a lot about how much time has been lost, what you wish that you would have done differently, while constantly counting the years that were wasted?  No worries, you are among many others who spend countless hours a week regretting their past life decisions, or better yet, adding them up constantly, while experiencing the pain in the center of their gut.  Well, let’s keep this short, sweet, and to the point.  You won’t get those years back, you can’t fix the past, and counting only makes it worse. It’s a new day!  Posture yourself for the win, keep your boots on the ground, and don’t look back.  You got this!  You are not as late as you think!

Best Friend or Nah?

Friendship is by far the most sensitive and vulnerable relationship on the face of the earth. Why? because if we really keep it real, friends are typically unrelated by blood, and the opportunity to get more can be a dime a dozen. Now we have to identify if the dime a dozen friends meet the benchmarks, and if they actually make the cut; Meaning if they are an asset or liability. Blood family members are those who we are born into, or attain as the family pool expands, (IE: Family members through marriage, etc).  Friends, on the other hand, are family members that we choose. So let’s talk about how to measure the authenticity of your friend, or friend group that you have chosen (in some case that has chosen you).  There are three main types of friends, so let’s explore them.

1. Best Friend/s or Friends
2. Associates and Casual
3. Occasional and Social Media Contacts
4. There are others, but for the purposes of this discussion, we will stick with the most popular ones.

Friends can have an enormous impact on your life, and quite frankly, more than you can even imagine.  Their words, and convictions about life, etc., can be positive, or monumentally detrimental.  Believe it or not, even after you leave a conversation, without provocation, your mind can begin to re-play what it heard earlier.  Let me give you an example. You are in a department store, and the pipe music is playing… let’s say the song is “Beat It”.  Without you even humming the words, or singing them out loud, once you leave the store, it is very likely that you will begin to sing or hum the words later that day.  Why? Because the mind is tricky, busy tracking and trending everything it hears. That is just one example of how impactful words are, especially words that are spoken directly to you, and even more so from people who you love and trust. Therefore, choosing the right friends are essential to hearing the right messages. If you have, or need a friend in your life, and are questioning the authenticity of the value/relationship, check the list below to determine if your friend (# 1 on the list above) match the list below.  If not, these people may likely match #2 through #4.

  • Trust – Are your friends trustworthy?
  • Cohesiveness – Do you typically get along and enjoy each other’s company?
  • Growth – Does the relationship grow as you do?
  • Honesty – Can the relationship sustain honesty?
  • Laughter – Does your friend make you laugh, or humor you?
  • Accountability – Are you and your friends accountable to each other?
  • Rejoice – Are you happy for each other’s accomplishments?
  • Confidant – Can you trust each other with confidential information and advice? 

 

 Take a very close and long look at your Best/Friend or Friend group, to see if they match any of the above-noted lists.  If not you may have, or be one of the other levels of friendship, and that is okay as True Friends are actually not a dime a dozen, and come along maybe two or three times in your lifetime (sometimes more). Therefore, you should choose them wisely as the impact that they will have on your life will be monumental. Healthy Friendships should make you better, even if you don’t like the truth when you hear it sometimes. It’s perfectly healthy to have people in your life from the other groups, it’s just incumbent upon you however to know the difference.

 

Are apologies ever really real?

I have met people who say after an offense, there is nothing one can say to make them believe that the offender was really sorry for what was said or done. Some experts support the idea that an effective apology is composed of at least 5 components; Such as acknowledgment, regret, a sincere statement of “I’m sorry”, an acknowledgment that the party in question was somehow violated, and finally a request for forgiveness.  Now that, in my opinion, is a lot!  Most offenders, (or at least those who would admit to it) can barely get the words, ” I apologize” or I’m sorry out of their mouths, let alone being accompanied by multiple facets and levels of the apology.  Not to say that the above 5 proposed components of the apology are never appropriate, however it’s unlikely that the average person would acquiesce to them.  An effective apology, in my opinion, should be sincere, and heartfelt, as only the person delivering the apology can really articulate the regret, and only that person knows if the apology is organic or authentic. So when faced with having to deliver an apology, don’t allow anyone to challenge the authenticity of your apology, do it from the heart, and move forward, but don’t forget to change directions endeavoring to avoid repeating the offense.

Is My Life Perfect?

Did you know that your life as you know it right now is as perfect as it should be? People are often heard saying (and not so often heard thinking) that my life sucks! Knowing that life consist of many opportunities for change, is paramount. Without your mistakes, and errors in judgment (no matter what they were) you  would miss the opportunity for growth, and the need for character improvement.  Therefore, your life is perfect because you now understand that your past indiscretions, bad decisions, and overall pot holes in your closet of decisions (especially since we all have them) can be the road to improvement and growth.  Perfection is defined as: the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects. With that in mind, seeking to become free from defects or becoming flawless, is far more unmanageable than understanding that True Perfection is embracing those aspects of life that make you better, profitable, and doing so with the utmost manner of integrity.  So your new vision for perfection should be you in the truest form of yourself, learning from your mistakes, and embracing the new you.  Welcome to loving yourself!