How to get your Happy Back in 3 Steps!

Joy is simply a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. It can also be lost very quickly when you don’t protect it.  It’s perfectly okay to share your life and experiences with those you love.  But….. be very careful about allowing external forces to steal and swallow up your happiness.happy

Below are three steps that will help you to restore your happiness

 

  • Remember that no one is capable of taking your joy unless you allow them to. If you have lost your sense of joy and peace, then it’s time to get it back.  Making daily affirmations that you are in control of your happiness, and will protect it with your life is the first step.
  • Believe what you confess, and know that words are more than just verbal commands, they are forces that create your destiny, which also goes forward to generate what you confess.  Therefore, start today by recreating a garrison of protection around your destiny, and take back what negative life experiences has stolen.
  • This restoration process is very serious and requires tenacity and consistency. Think revival, rallying, recovery, and rejuvenation.  Starting every day with the declaration that your happiness is restored and protected will get you well on your way to full restoration. Remember……  you are what~ and who~ you say you are, so choose your words wisely!

**** ALSO SEE https://askgraceson7.blogspot.com/

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Mentorship Moment (TIPS on helping others)

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We typically start our day with an inspirational or motivational blog of some sort to help with your life challenges. I thought we would change it up a bit, and flip the script so- to speak and look outward, instead of inward.  Mentorship Moment means you find at least one person today that needs your expertise, and your experience, and share with them. Use your accomplishments to uplift someone who is downtrodden, and discouraged.  Knowing that you can utilize your experiences for the betterment of the world, should brighten not only your day but someone else’s.  Our world will be a better place if we place giving at the top of the list with receiving. Selfishness blinds the soul to the needs of others and places people on an island by themselves.  A wise man once said….. “While reaching down to pick someone up, you are lifted up as well (Albert M. Ellison Sr.)”  Best Wishes, and go and pick someone to Mentor!

** reference http://www.askgraceson7.blogspot.com

These 6 “Life Virtues” are off limits!

Your Life embodies who you are, and is the most important asset that you will ever have. Your Life should be accompanied by some very essential virtues which will fortify you, and will help to determine how your life will proceed. Without these 6 Life Virtues, you will be ineffective, not only to yourself, but to those who you love, and are responsible for. These Virtues are yours. Hide them in your heart, protect them, and never let them go. Let’s take a look at the list below.
1. Peace – This is more than freedom from noise, disturbance, and your ability to experience tranquility, it is how you manage to get from one day to the next without quitting. Peace is equivalent to your mind being inside a submarine, where nothing or no one can muddy the waters, or disrupt your flow. It channels you through life’s complicated elements in a productive manner without altering your ability to continue. Never let anyone abduct your peace!
2. Family –  Your family is your Pedigree, where you were derived, and how you got here.  It is your support system, albeit imperfect. While the family may not be created equally, it is still yours.  For those without natural or functioning family, that is okay.  Family can also be people with whom you share a mutual love and support with. Never allow anyone to pressure you to choose.  Family has no qualifying demands, they will love you forever!
3. Fortitude – This is more than just your backbone, it is your courage, endurance, resilience, and your resolution that no matter what, you will never quit, or stop believing in yourself. Even if it means you may have to fly alone, your confidence in your ability to maintain your mental and emotional shelter should never be compromised.
4. Self-Love – This is your concern for your own well-being, safety, health, growth, prosperity, and happiness.  Self-Love doesn’t mean you neglect those you love, it simply means you don’t neglect yourself! Even if you believe that you can love someone more than you love yourself; Without self-love, you wouldn’t be very effective because there would be nothing left to love, and ultimately, no one could benefit from the remnants.
5. Purpose – This is the reason that you were created, or why you exist. It is your appointment with destiny, and your specific opportunity to make manifest your dreams and visions.  Purpose is the design for your life, and although sometimes it may be altered by untimely events, your purpose will ultimately remain the same.
6. Faith –  This is your complete trust and confidence in GOD.  This virtue must remain completely intact.  Let nothing shift your faith, as this virtue produces and maintains your hope and conviction regarding your purpose and life’s direction. Compromising your Faith to be accepted into a relationship or circle, will not gain you the true and dominant entry. It’s simply an unreasonable expectation.  Your faith should be yours, and should remain sacred!

 

 

Letting Go, Without Giving Up on Those You Love. (Powerful & Helpful Tips!)

Letting someone go, simply means that you relinquish your grip or hold, while setting them free to move and live as they insist. Giving up, on the other hand, means to abandon, make a mental or verbal declaration that the person or situation is incurable,  insolvent, or hopeless. Therefore, the two are definitely very different. So how do you put these matters into perspective? Let’s say that there is someone in your life who is simply not productive, basically they are not trying, won’t allow anyone to help them, or simply don’t believe that they have the fortitude to succeed.  Maybe they are even self-destructive. Does this situation warrant you hanging in there with them, or should you walk away? Officially giving up on someone you love is almost impossible to do.  Why? Because even when you physically put distance between you and that person, in most cases, they are still occupying your mind, heart, and emotions.  Therefore, in that case, you haven’t actually given up, but maybe you have let go, which may be preferably in some cases. There are a very few (and I mean a few) very egregious situations where people really do give up on loved ones because a very fine and sensitive line has been crossed (especially the dangerous lines). Those are very different from the common and problematic situations or relationships mentioned here.  Giving up is not easy, and it certainly should be the last line of defense with those you love and care about.  Letting people go, simply means that you step aside to allow that person to see who they really are, determine if they need and want your help, determine if they are capable of recovering without your help, and finally to determine if they want your assistance re-emerging themselves back to the productive citizen that they are capable of being. Letting go may also mean that your pain can be severe, but that pain is far less damaging than giving up altogether on someone who you really just want to let go for the purposes of helping them, and yourself.  When faced with giving up, or letting go, you should understand that the nuances of each relationship are different, with possible damaging effects that only you can determine is in your best interest. Because every situation is so different, only you can determine if giving up, or letting go is a decision that you can live with while understanding that your mental, physical, and emotional safety is paramount.

 

Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.
– George Edward Woodberry

Tips on dealing with a Headless Boss from Tarrytown.

Just like the story of the “Fictional Headless Horseman” from Tarrytown, the Headless Boss emerges from the grave, and never finds his head. He has been seen however holding what appears to be his head (or a pumpkin like figure in his hands at times). Of course in this story, the Headless Boss actually loses his head because it was cut off by the door jamb clearly because his head was far too big to fit through the door. Now we know that there are a few versions of the story of the Headless Horseman, but we will build our own version using the Headless Boss instead.   The Headless Boss is scary and purposes to evoke terror into all that oppose him (or her) while looking for his head. He can ultimately decide to take your head instead ( stealing your ideas and proposals etc.) passing it off as his own.   The Headless Boss also suppresses potential, instills fear, uses intimidation tactics, while simultaneously leaving remnants of resignations and complaints along the way. Apparently, Human Resources and upper management share the fear of the ghost of the Headless Boss as he (or she) have managed to remain gainfully employed without interruption.  Now there are difficult bosses, complicated bosses, unlikable bosses, but none measures up to the Headless Boss, who knows that they will somehow evade being reprimanded and therefore has no fear.  Since we spend more waking hours during the week at work than we do at home, it’s pretty important to work in a productive environment, that is conducive for growth.  Without that of course, your life can be miserable where work is concerned.  Now let’s take a look at a few pointers on how to deal with a difficult, unreasonable, and unproductive boss.

 

•Avoid unnecessary confrontations.  Agree with your adversary quickly when possible.
• As difficult as it may be, remain courteous, and take the time to say thank you.
• Arrive to work on time, and don’t take extended lunch or breaks, this only heightens the situation, with this very difficult personality.
• Learn what their triggers are, and try not to be menacing.
• Keep cell phone usage to a minimum, and perfect your work ethic, this is pertinent.
• Although your boss is not a mentor, write down your questions and concerns, and present them to him or her in person or of course email is even better.
• Endeavor not to take this behavior personally, this boss is likely this way with everyone.
• If your boss makes your life miserable, and the company appears to be enabling this behavior, run to the hills (but keep a look out, the Headless Boss is like a ghost and can be anywhere).
• Don’t quit your job before you have secured another one in writing.  Nothing is worse than being unemployed.
• This is your life, so take control, and don’t let a menacing boss be your excuse to duplicate their behavior. There are Headless Bosses in high places as well, and the truth is that most employees don’t leave companies they leave Headless Leaders.

6 ways to be nice to mean people.

 

  • Be cordial, with no expectation.
  • Don’t modify your behavior just because they are rude, be nice!
  • When greeting them, don’t expect a response.
  • Make it a point to offer to help when you can.
  • Don’t spend time worrying about their behavior, it’s toxic. Just be nice.
  • Don’t let them live rent free in your head.  Keep smiling.

Am I Racist? Probably! (a must read)

Well…. probably, at least according to the definition. Let’s look at one of the official ones.

Racism: The belief that all members of each race possess characteristics, abilities, or qualities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.

Let me share a very real story, yet funny as well. A very good friend of mine, let’s call him William, was visiting a local department store.  As he was leaving the store, he noticed four men darting past him, through the parking lot, across the street, and into an apartment complex.  He decides to help apprehend the thief.  He jumps into his car (true story I promise) thinking he would have the upper hand moving more quickly by car, drives across the street, and low and behold comes face to face with his thief.  He cuts him off with his car, and yells to the security team, “Hey I got him over here”.  As the security team approached, the guys in the shirt and tie screamed, “Hey, let him go, that’s our Security Manager”.  Got to admit, that’s pretty funny, right?  But not so funny for William.  He was mortified and embarrassed, to say the least.  My friend William acted on impulse, which in this case was clearly derived from his views and convictions of what a thief looks like.  He prematurely decided that the thief was the black guy and not the actual suspect who got away, the white guy. I will concede however that the story itself is hilarious. But… it just proves that we all have some level of racism or prejudice, even if only sub-consciously. FYI William is an African-American.

Before you flip out, cuss the wallpaper off the wall, and/or give me the finger for saying that you are racist, let’s take a real-life look at the truth about how people from different races and ethnic backgrounds, cultures, etc., are secretly viewed. This is a healthy test for America and something that can keep you conscious of how our minds have been jaded.

Ask yourself the following:

Am I eminently uncomfortable with those from other races or ethnic groups without cause?

Throughout the course of your day, think about this discussion, send this to your family and friends as a reminder that most of us share the very common thread of being racist. Do you grab your purse or wallet when you see someone of another race approaching in your direction? (especially men)  If your child introduced their significant other of another race to you, do you clench your pearls?  Racism is not dead, it’s alive and well! Can this be fixed?

 

Am I late to my life? (1 min read)

Feeling like life has passed you by?  Do you think a lot about how much time has been lost, what you wish that you would have done differently, while constantly counting the years that were wasted?  No worries, you are among many others who spend countless hours a week regretting their past life decisions, or better yet, adding them up constantly, while experiencing the pain in the center of their gut.  Well, let’s keep this short, sweet, and to the point.  You won’t get those years back, you can’t fix the past, and counting only makes it worse. It’s a new day!  Posture yourself for the win, keep your boots on the ground, and don’t look back.  You got this!  You are not as late as you think!

Best Friend or Nah?

Friendship is by far the most sensitive and vulnerable relationship on the face of the earth. Why? because if we really keep it real, friends are typically unrelated by blood, and the opportunity to get more can be a dime a dozen. Now we have to identify if the dime a dozen friends meet the benchmarks, and if they actually make the cut; Meaning if they are an asset or liability. Blood family members are those who we are born into, or attain as the family pool expands, (IE: Family members through marriage, etc).  Friends, on the other hand, are family members that we choose. So let’s talk about how to measure the authenticity of your friend, or friend group that you have chosen (in some case that has chosen you).  There are three main types of friends, so let’s explore them.

1. Best Friend/s or Friends
2. Associates and Casual
3. Occasional and Social Media Contacts
4. There are others, but for the purposes of this discussion, we will stick with the most popular ones.

Friends can have an enormous impact on your life, and quite frankly, more than you can even imagine.  Their words, and convictions about life, etc., can be positive, or monumentally detrimental.  Believe it or not, even after you leave a conversation, without provocation, your mind can begin to re-play what it heard earlier.  Let me give you an example. You are in a department store, and the pipe music is playing… let’s say the song is “Beat It”.  Without you even humming the words, or singing them out loud, once you leave the store, it is very likely that you will begin to sing or hum the words later that day.  Why? Because the mind is tricky, busy tracking and trending everything it hears. That is just one example of how impactful words are, especially words that are spoken directly to you, and even more so from people who you love and trust. Therefore, choosing the right friends are essential to hearing the right messages. If you have, or need a friend in your life, and are questioning the authenticity of the value/relationship, check the list below to determine if your friend (# 1 on the list above) match the list below.  If not, these people may likely match #2 through #4.

  • Trust – Are your friends trustworthy?
  • Cohesiveness – Do you typically get along and enjoy each other’s company?
  • Growth – Does the relationship grow as you do?
  • Honesty – Can the relationship sustain honesty?
  • Laughter – Does your friend make you laugh, or humor you?
  • Accountability – Are you and your friends accountable to each other?
  • Rejoice – Are you happy for each other’s accomplishments?
  • Confidant – Can you trust each other with confidential information and advice? 

 

 Take a very close and long look at your Best/Friend or Friend group, to see if they match any of the above-noted lists.  If not you may have, or be one of the other levels of friendship, and that is okay as True Friends are actually not a dime a dozen, and come along maybe two or three times in your lifetime (sometimes more). Therefore, you should choose them wisely as the impact that they will have on your life will be monumental. Healthy Friendships should make you better, even if you don’t like the truth when you hear it sometimes. It’s perfectly healthy to have people in your life from the other groups, it’s just incumbent upon you however to know the difference.

 

Does my Teenage Daughter really hate me?

Mother – Daughter relationships are by far the most unique, and thus the most vulnerable, especially during teenage years.

When girls are younger, they look up to their Mothers, wanting to dress, act, and simply put be like them when they grow up.  Then life happens…. the daughter matures, changes her friend group, get a boyfriend, etc., and demands her personal space. The Mother, on the other hand, is working hard in the background, seeking to give her daughter one last final crash course in life, hoping to help her avoid the not-so-nice, life pitfalls.  The Mother is stressing over what she did at that age, what detrimental experiences the world has to offer, and among many other things, the dreaded “What if”.  This relationship can end on a collision course of Mother VS Daughter.

Fights, slammed doors, privileges being taken, and possibly the worse of all, a breach of trust, and relationship failure are just a few.  This collision course can end badly if handled incorrectly. These are just a few reminders, and words of wisdom that may help you with the very tedious and sometimes turbulent Mother-Daughter challenges.

  • Remember no matter how much you believe it, this is not about you.
  • Try to put yourself into the shoes of your daughter, and understand her world.
  • Try to remember that in life, issues almost always appear worse than they actually are, so relax.
  • Take yourself out of the equation, and look at the situation as an outsider at least once.
  • No matter how hard it is, try to remember that children especially teens rarely respond to forced methods, so choose them wisely.
  • Keep things in perspective, and try not to over-react, time usually heals these wounds.
  • When punishment is appropriate, think it through carefully, but not when you are angry. Make sure that the punishment is commensurate with the action.
  • Most Mother-Daughter relationships get better once the child matures, so expect that once loving Daughter to be back to loving and respecting you in no time (well a few years maybe).  It’s okay to be her Mother, and not her friend for now.
  • Experts believe that no matter what children/teens say, they want and need boundaries.
  • Remember no matter what happens, this is your child, so show love, and express that you have not given up on them.
  • Remember although your daughter may not like it, you are still the parent, and in charge. Therefore, be responsible, and make adult decisions, and don’t acquiesce to the pressure, this too shall pass.
  • Seek counseling early, don’t wait for the situation to reach a level of explosion before you consider professional help.