What happens when you inherit a windfall? Do you share your new-found wealth with your friends and family, running the risk of the entire posse shaking you down for a handout, or do you keep things quiet on the home front? Now please don’t get me wrong, It’s a beautiful thing to be a benevolent giver, which is in itself the exact reason we are having this conversation. But, there is a vast difference between having a general conversation about your money, and fully disclosing what your assets are.
Have you ever noticed that people very rarely ask other people for money unless they have somehow come to expect that the person has the money to give or loan in the first place? Like you wouldn’t ask your 15-year-old to loan you $1000.00, right? of course not. It’s doubtful that you would even ask your best friend who lives from paycheck to paycheck. But…. if that same friend recently came into a financial windfall, or shared the news of their newfound wealth, then the confidence might surely be swayed in the direction of asking, and expecting, being emboldened by the fact that your friend now has some available loot. Some time ago when I was being a bit too chatty about a small windfall that I had come into, a wise woman told me this, “Never show anyone your money, they will either take some or ask for some.”
Now that cracked me up, but….. there is some validity to that. I was hoping that my true friends and family wouldn’t actually take any but it was proven that some of them did definitely ask for some. As it turns out, that advice was pretty sound, even in the absence of it being politically incorrect. Money can cause rifts in relationships, and all this really means is a person’s psyche is tricky, and when asking for loans, they choose their targets carefully, steering free of those well off family members or friends that they know to hold their money close to the vest, and those who they just can’t put their finger on the yes or no factor opportunity.
So what am I saying? Keeping quiet about your money is essential to maintaining control over who and how much you give or loan, if at all. Just in case your well-meaning and altruistic “inner self” decides to help a friend or family member, you will be able to set the tone, and do it on your terms.
To loan or not to loan, that is the question? My concept about loaning money is never loan money that you can’t afford to lose, and if you don’t want anyone to ask you for money, don’t flaunt it. Wise money is quiet anyway, and quite hard to find. That simply means being deliberate about handling your money matters and only having money conversations with vested people, and not those who are seeking a handout or loans is the key!. Keeping quiet about your money matters doesn’t mean that a friend might not ask you for a loan, it does mean they would first have to determine that you are a solid source to seek out, and not because you take pleasure in boasting about banknotes.
Full disclosure, we are not talking being closed fist, or stingy, and certainly not talking about being insulting, rather this conversation is about minimizing relationship fallouts or misunderstandings, and keeping your money business, your personal business. If you recognize a need and have the means to help, then help! It’s much better to offer to help instead of having to say no, or being frightened that the loan won’t be repaid. Take the high road, and step up in the time of need. This creates good karma, and what the bible refers to as “The law of sowing and reaping”.
Thanks for joining me, and Be Blessed!!
“Wise money is quiet money” and it’s always better for a person to assume, than for you to boast about money that you ultimately are not willing to share.Graceson Ellison 2020
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