Mind Digest – The Real Deal about who is actually in charge of your mind. (Tips)

Did you know that your mind is the greatest and most powerful tool available to you? Although the mind is not officially considered one of the “senses”, it should be called the Mother of all senses.  Scientists have established through years of research, that the brain uses more energy than any other organ. Scientists can measure neurons, or nerve cells, and how they receive and send signals, but no one has been able to completely quantify the mind. It’s that powerful! Our mind determines if we power through life’s challenges, or if we quit. The mind can also be your tracking success organ that keeps you from being stagnant or the organ that remains in “test’ mode for ever, without one single launch. Because your brain is the head of the body, it controls everything, including what you think, how long, and if the thoughts get to remain active and alive. The mind can also determine if it should shut down, dispel, or abandon good or bad thoughts.

 

 

The mind is where successes come to live or die, and where confidence is nurtured or rejected.  The most powerful aspect of the mind is that it is like a computer, and when necessary, can be reprogrammed, including modifying its source of power. The mind is also capable of telling the body what to do and how. Because the mind is so powerful, it is reported that it processes between 50,000 – 70,000 thoughts per day. That means that approximately 40 thoughts per minute, per person, is filtered through the mind, amazing right?  This could mean not only thoughts but feelings, as well.  Did you know that some experts believe that you have approximately 5 seconds to decide how you want to act on a thought before your mind kills the thought?  Of course, the thought might be lingering around somewhere in the back of your mind, but the mind manages itself the best when you act with the quick-witted motion to embrace positive thoughts right away; Clothing them in confidence and vision.  So now that we have been reminded of how powerful our minds are,  let’s review the list of those thoughts that are perpetually impactful to your life successes, and those thoughts that have a legal right to take up residence in your brain.

 

  • Put your brain in time-out from negative thoughts.
  • Envision yourself succeeding.
  • Learn the skill of building confidence (tell your mind everyday who is in charge).
  • Don’t wait for affirmation, it might never come.
  • Use your brain, not your heart when deciding what and who are toxic to your mind.
  • Quitting is never an option. Tell yourself that daily.
  • Feed your mind positive, organic, and beneficial thoughts daily.
  • Serve an eviction notice on any thoughts of failure and inadequacy.
  • Keep your circle full of others who think like you.
  • Abandon hesitation, it is failure’s Cousin.
  • Read inspirational messages daily, out loud so that your mind hears and complies.
  • Don’t let your mind stray or tell your body it is tired. Time is Money!

 

“You  have to win in your mind, before you can win in your life” (John Addison)

 

 

 

Tips on dealing with a Headless Boss from Tarrytown.

Just like the story of the “Fictional Headless Horseman” from Tarrytown, the Headless Boss emerges from the grave, and never finds his head. He has been seen however holding what appears to be his head (or a pumpkin like figure in his hands at times). Of course in this story, the Headless Boss actually loses his head because it was cut off by the door jamb clearly because his head was far too big to fit through the door. Now we know that there are a few versions of the story of the Headless Horseman, but we will build our own version using the Headless Boss instead.   The Headless Boss is scary and purposes to evoke terror into all that oppose him (or her) while looking for his head. He can ultimately decide to take your head instead ( stealing your ideas and proposals etc.) passing it off as his own.   The Headless Boss also suppresses potential, instills fear, uses intimidation tactics, while simultaneously leaving remnants of resignations and complaints along the way. Apparently, Human Resources and upper management share the fear of the ghost of the Headless Boss as he (or she) have managed to remain gainfully employed without interruption.  Now there are difficult bosses, complicated bosses, unlikable bosses, but none measures up to the Headless Boss, who knows that they will somehow evade being reprimanded and therefore has no fear.  Since we spend more waking hours during the week at work than we do at home, it’s pretty important to work in a productive environment, that is conducive for growth.  Without that of course, your life can be miserable where work is concerned.  Now let’s take a look at a few pointers on how to deal with a difficult, unreasonable, and unproductive boss.

 

•Avoid unnecessary confrontations.  Agree with your adversary quickly when possible.
• As difficult as it may be, remain courteous, and take the time to say thank you.
• Arrive to work on time, and don’t take extended lunch or breaks, this only heightens the situation, with this very difficult personality.
• Learn what their triggers are, and try not to be menacing.
• Keep cell phone usage to a minimum, and perfect your work ethic, this is pertinent.
• Although your boss is not a mentor, write down your questions and concerns, and present them to him or her in person or of course email is even better.
• Endeavor not to take this behavior personally, this boss is likely this way with everyone.
• If your boss makes your life miserable, and the company appears to be enabling this behavior, run to the hills (but keep a look out, the Headless Boss is like a ghost and can be anywhere).
• Don’t quit your job before you have secured another one in writing.  Nothing is worse than being unemployed.
• This is your life, so take control, and don’t let a menacing boss be your excuse to duplicate their behavior. There are Headless Bosses in high places as well, and the truth is that most employees don’t leave companies they leave Headless Leaders.

6 ways to be nice to mean people.

 

  • Be cordial, with no expectation.
  • Don’t modify your behavior just because they are rude, be nice!
  • When greeting them, don’t expect a response.
  • Make it a point to offer to help when you can.
  • Don’t spend time worrying about their behavior, it’s toxic. Just be nice.
  • Don’t let them live rent free in your head.  Keep smiling.

Am I Racist? Probably! (a must read)

Well…. probably, at least according to the definition. Let’s look at one of the official ones.

Racism: The belief that all members of each race possess characteristics, abilities, or qualities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.

Let me share a very real story, yet funny as well. A very good friend of mine, let’s call him William, was visiting a local department store.  As he was leaving the store, he noticed four men darting past him, through the parking lot, across the street, and into an apartment complex.  He decides to help apprehend the thief.  He jumps into his car (true story I promise) thinking he would have the upper hand moving more quickly by car, drives across the street, and low and behold comes face to face with his thief.  He cuts him off with his car, and yells to the security team, “Hey I got him over here”.  As the security team approached, the guys in the shirt and tie screamed, “Hey, let him go, that’s our Security Manager”.  Got to admit, that’s pretty funny, right?  But not so funny for William.  He was mortified and embarrassed, to say the least.  My friend William acted on impulse, which in this case was clearly derived from his views and convictions of what a thief looks like.  He prematurely decided that the thief was the black guy and not the actual suspect who got away, the white guy. I will concede however that the story itself is hilarious. But… it just proves that we all have some level of racism or prejudice, even if only sub-consciously. FYI William is an African-American.

Before you flip out, cuss the wallpaper off the wall, and/or give me the finger for saying that you are racist, let’s take a real-life look at the truth about how people from different races and ethnic backgrounds, cultures, etc., are secretly viewed. This is a healthy test for America and something that can keep you conscious of how our minds have been jaded.

Ask yourself the following:

Am I eminently uncomfortable with those from other races or ethnic groups without cause?

Throughout the course of your day, think about this discussion, send this to your family and friends as a reminder that most of us share the very common thread of being racist. Do you grab your purse or wallet when you see someone of another race approaching in your direction? (especially men)  If your child introduced their significant other of another race to you, do you clench your pearls?  Racism is not dead, it’s alive and well! Can this be fixed?

 

Am I late to my life? (1 min read)

Feeling like life has passed you by?  Do you think a lot about how much time has been lost, what you wish that you would have done differently, while constantly counting the years that were wasted?  No worries, you are among many others who spend countless hours a week regretting their past life decisions, or better yet, adding them up constantly, while experiencing the pain in the center of their gut.  Well, let’s keep this short, sweet, and to the point.  You won’t get those years back, you can’t fix the past, and counting only makes it worse. It’s a new day!  Posture yourself for the win, keep your boots on the ground, and don’t look back.  You got this!  You are not as late as you think!

Best Friend or Nah?

Friendship is by far the most sensitive and vulnerable relationship on the face of the earth. Why? because if we really keep it real, friends are typically unrelated by blood, and the opportunity to get more can be a dime a dozen. Now we have to identify if the dime a dozen friends meet the benchmarks, and if they actually make the cut; Meaning if they are an asset or liability. Blood family members are those who we are born into, or attain as the family pool expands, (IE: Family members through marriage, etc).  Friends, on the other hand, are family members that we choose. So let’s talk about how to measure the authenticity of your friend, or friend group that you have chosen (in some case that has chosen you).  There are three main types of friends, so let’s explore them.

1. Best Friend/s or Friends
2. Associates and Casual
3. Occasional and Social Media Contacts
4. There are others, but for the purposes of this discussion, we will stick with the most popular ones.

Friends can have an enormous impact on your life, and quite frankly, more than you can even imagine.  Their words, and convictions about life, etc., can be positive, or monumentally detrimental.  Believe it or not, even after you leave a conversation, without provocation, your mind can begin to re-play what it heard earlier.  Let me give you an example. You are in a department store, and the pipe music is playing… let’s say the song is “Beat It”.  Without you even humming the words, or singing them out loud, once you leave the store, it is very likely that you will begin to sing or hum the words later that day.  Why? Because the mind is tricky, busy tracking and trending everything it hears. That is just one example of how impactful words are, especially words that are spoken directly to you, and even more so from people who you love and trust. Therefore, choosing the right friends are essential to hearing the right messages. If you have, or need a friend in your life, and are questioning the authenticity of the value/relationship, check the list below to determine if your friend (# 1 on the list above) match the list below.  If not, these people may likely match #2 through #4.

  • Trust – Are your friends trustworthy?
  • Cohesiveness – Do you typically get along and enjoy each other’s company?
  • Growth – Does the relationship grow as you do?
  • Honesty – Can the relationship sustain honesty?
  • Laughter – Does your friend make you laugh, or humor you?
  • Accountability – Are you and your friends accountable to each other?
  • Rejoice – Are you happy for each other’s accomplishments?
  • Confidant – Can you trust each other with confidential information and advice? 

 

 Take a very close and long look at your Best/Friend or Friend group, to see if they match any of the above-noted lists.  If not you may have, or be one of the other levels of friendship, and that is okay as True Friends are actually not a dime a dozen, and come along maybe two or three times in your lifetime (sometimes more). Therefore, you should choose them wisely as the impact that they will have on your life will be monumental. Healthy Friendships should make you better, even if you don’t like the truth when you hear it sometimes. It’s perfectly healthy to have people in your life from the other groups, it’s just incumbent upon you however to know the difference.

 

Democrats vs Republicans, is your political party affiliation worth the demise of your relationships?

Democrats today say the donkey is smart and brave, while Republicans say the elephant is strong and dignified. Albeit, both can be true, the resulting damage of having to choose can be detrimental to relationships, business associates, and basic respect between party affiliates. The world is in an uproar and split because of political party differences. As a nation, we have to begin to put some perspective to this controversy. One very simple path that can be explored is to come to a mutual respect that there are very obvious and distinct differences between parties, and it is unlikely that will ever change. Another is to look deeply into how the differences complement each other while understanding that too much of any one thing can be unprofitable, and unhealthy. We eat and enjoy food because we have learned the importance of the essential nutrients, and of course the taste that pleases the palate. Most of us wouldn’t eat ice cream or cake for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, or pasta three times a day. Why? Because it is nutritionally unhealthy, unbalanced, and causes medical and health issues that can ultimately shut down the body’s ability to flourish. That is also true as it relates to political party affiliations whatever they might be (because there are others as well). Therefore, we must begin to take another look at how both parties have postures that enhance each other, and thus making both parties relative, and necessary. I am not talking roasting marshmallows or having a Kumbaya moment, but understanding that in order for our country to begin to heal, we have to concede that hatred and being incensed by opposite parties have not worked. I have heard of instances where best friends of 30 plus years, family members, and even marriages have failed because of political party affiliation wars. Don’t throw away your friends and family because of your political party differences as you may actually need them one day to visit you in the hospital, or just to be there for strength and support, and you must know that your political party affiliation can’t do that right? To be perfectly honest, neither party has perfected the art of effectively managing the country, nor does it appear one can do it without the other. There is a respectable and wise way to deal and co-exist when in the company of political party differences. Avoid the subject altogether, or when you are engaged regarding someone’s views or posture that you disagree with, simply state, “Yes, both parties are necessary”. Remember that which is good and profitable, have balance, and substance, and should be complemented by experience, knowledge, and the ultimate interest of achieving the best outcome for the citizens at large. Life is too short, precious, and valuable to spend enormous amounts of time, fighting and seeking to destroy each other because people don’t embrace the same political party. Furthermore, you can’t actually believe that only one party has all the answers right? America – We have to get it together.

Does my Teenage Daughter really hate me?

Mother – Daughter relationships are by far the most unique, and thus the most vulnerable, especially during teenage years.

When girls are younger, they look up to their Mothers, wanting to dress, act, and simply put be like them when they grow up.  Then life happens…. the daughter matures, changes her friend group, get a boyfriend, etc., and demands her personal space. The Mother, on the other hand, is working hard in the background, seeking to give her daughter one last final crash course in life, hoping to help her avoid the not-so-nice, life pitfalls.  The Mother is stressing over what she did at that age, what detrimental experiences the world has to offer, and among many other things, the dreaded “What if”.  This relationship can end on a collision course of Mother VS Daughter.

Fights, slammed doors, privileges being taken, and possibly the worse of all, a breach of trust, and relationship failure are just a few.  As a Mother of a daughter who pushed to make her own decisions about what she wanted, when she wanted it, and how; I am a witness that this collision course can end badly. These are just a few reminders, and words of wisdom that may help you with the very tedious and sometimes turbulent Mother-Daughter challenges.

  • Remember no matter how much you believe it, this is not about you.
  • Try to put yourself into the shoes of your daughter, and understand her world.
  • Try to remember that in life, issues almost always appear worse than they actually are, so relax.
  • Take yourself out of the equation, and look at the situation as an outsider at least once.
  • No matter how hard it is, try to remember that children especially teens rarely respond to forced methods, so choose them wisely.
  • Keep things in perspective, and try not to over-react, time usually heals these wounds.
  • When punishment is appropriate, think it through carefully, but not when you are angry. Make sure that the punishment is commensurate with the action.
  • Most Mother-Daughter relationships get better once the child matures, so expect that -once loving Daughter to be back to loving and respecting you in no time (well a few years maybe).  It’s okay to be her Mother, and not her friend for now.
  • Experts believe that no matter what children/teens say, they want and need boundaries.
  • Remember no matter what happens, this is your child, so show love, and express that you have not given up on them.

Are apologies ever really real?

I have met people who say after an offense, there is nothing one can say to make them believe that the offender was really sorry for what was said or done. Some experts support the idea that an effective apology is composed of at least 5 components; Such as acknowledgment, regret, a sincere statement of “I’m sorry”, an acknowledgment that the party in question was somehow violated, and finally a request for forgiveness.  Now that, in my opinion, is a lot!  Most offenders, (or at least those who would admit to it) can barely get the words, ” I apologize” or I’m sorry out of their mouths, let alone being accompanied by multiple facets and levels of the apology.  Not to say that the above 5 proposed components of the apology are never appropriate, however it’s unlikely that the average person would acquiesce to them.  An effective apology, in my opinion, should be sincere, and heartfelt, as only the person delivering the apology can really articulate the regret, and only that person knows if the apology is organic or authentic. So when faced with having to deliver an apology, don’t allow anyone to challenge the authenticity of your apology, do it from the heart, and move forward, but don’t forget to change directions endeavoring to avoid repeating the offense.

Is My Life Perfect?

Did you know that your life as you know it right now is as perfect as it should be? People are often heard saying (and not so often heard thinking) that my life sucks! Knowing that life consist of many opportunities for change, is paramount. Without your mistakes, and errors in judgment (no matter what they were) you  would miss the opportunity for growth, and the need for character improvement.  Therefore, your life is perfect because you now understand that your past indiscretions, bad decisions, and overall pot holes in your closet of decisions (especially since we all have them) can be the road to improvement and growth.  Perfection is defined as: the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects. With that in mind, seeking to become free from defects or becoming flawless, is far more unmanageable than understanding that True Perfection is embracing those aspects of life that make you better, profitable, and doing so with the utmost manner of integrity.  So your new vision for perfection should be you in the truest form of yourself, learning from your mistakes, and embracing the new you.  Welcome to loving yourself!